


Christmas Cookies

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, MSPaint Adventures
Genre: Baking, Christmas, Cookies, Family, Gen, Seasonal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-25
Updated: 2010-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-14 02:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kids share their (my) favorite Christmas cookie recipes. Fun and d'aww ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nothing

Dave and Aradia had worked out a "day" that both humans and trolls could agree on, and even share meals during. Lunch/midmeal was almost over when John's dad sauntered into the cafeteria, whistling.

This could not be good.

John paused mid-bite. He swallowed. "Whatcha doin', Dad?"

The be-hatted man grinned, shifting his pipe to the other side of his mouth. "Nothing, John. I'm doing absolutely nothing."

A shudder ran through the cafeteria. This could only be a continuation of the ongoing Egbert prank-war. And with a grin like that, John was screwed.

But he didn't seem to know it. "Haha, yesss! Can I help?"

"Couldn't do it without you, son." Hair-ruffling might just be a universal gesture of fatherhood. The two of them strolled behind the counter, chatting.

John pulled out a carton of eggs. "I'll get started on these. A batch and a half sound good?"

"Should be about right. Should we make them chocolate?"

"Uh, could you maybe do some without chocolate? It's, uh, kinda creepy..."

John laughed. "Oops, sorry Tavros. I forgot. Hmm... maybe one batch of chocolate, and half a batch of peppermint?"

"Uh, that sounds yummy, whatever it is."

"You'll love it!"

Karkat went for another slice of pizza as John cracked an egg against the edge of a bowl. "Seriously, Egbert, what the fuck are you doing?"

The human poured the insides of the egg back and forth between the two shells. Something clear and snotty dripped out. "Dad said it, Karkat. Nothing!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see!"

\---

Ten minutes later, Karkat was ready to kill someone.

"EGBERT, I SWEAR TO FUCK I WILL END YOU IF YOU DON'T TURN OFF THAT GOGDAMN MIXER!"

"WHAT?" John flipped off the mixer as Karkat screamed louder:

"I WILL RIP OFF YOUR BULGE AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT- Fuck." Karkat got a facepalmx2 combo as John snickered.

"Sorry, Karkat. What's on your mind?"

"Why the fuck do you have to mix this whatever-it-is so long? It's annoying as hell."

John tilted the bowl in his direction. "Take a look."

Karkat did so.

"... the fuck, Egbert?"

He'd watched him do it. The only thing he'd put in the bowl was some sugar and the snotty clear part of a few eggs. There shouldn't have been more than an inch of liquid in the bowl.

Yet it was half full of some kind of white fluff. A curious poke revealed that it was light and slightly sticky.

"That's why I had to mix it so long. I had to whip the egg whites into stiff peaks."

"That sounds obscene. Looks it, too." Karkat brought the finger to his mouth, only to have it slapped away by John's father, who had crept up behind him.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Karkat. Raw eggs - you'll get salmonella."

"How the fuck would I even get your retarded alien fish disease." But he was being ignored.

"Got everything, Dad?"

"Freshly alchemized. Dark chocolate chips, candy canes, and vanilla and peppermint extract. Some colored sugar to sprinkle on top, too."

"Hmm... hey Karkat, feel like smashing something?"

"Every second of every day."

And that was how Karkat found himself with a hammer, a bag of candy canes, and the biggest smile he'd had in a long time.

"You know you don't have to completely pulverize-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YES I DO."

\---

John's dad pulled the trays out of the oven. He inhaled deeply. "Mmm, perfect."

"I'll go let the others know." John ran off, leaving Karkat with his father and that incredible smell.

"Here." A spatula was produced, a cookie pried free. "Try one, but be careful - they're hot!"

The troll snatched the cookie and bit down. Much harder than necessary, it seemed. "Hey, it's hollow! You fucked up!"

"No, that's how they're supposed to be. That's why they're called 'nothings', because there's nothing inside."

Karkat chewed thoughtfully. The crisp, sugary cookie reminded him of the toasted marshmallows they'd made a few weeks ago.

He swallowed. "That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard." He stuffed the other half of the cookie in his mouth, slightly muffling his continued tirade. "Seriously, who ever heard of a hollow cookie being a good thing? How did you even do that anyway, magic? Miracles? It makes no sense." He popped a few more cookies off the tray and stuffed them in his pockets.

"You and your kid are both batshit, you know that?" He walked out before he caught the elder Egbert's reply, munching on another warm crispy cookie.


	2. Fudge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has exactly one weakness, and Mom knows and exploits it shamelessly.

Rose was frozen in place, leaning against the kitchen door.

That smell.

That _smell._

No - it couldn't be -

It _was._

"M-Mother?" Curse her shaking voice. "W-what are you doing?"

Dr. Lalonde was turned away, at the stove. "Making fudge, darling. Didn't you smell it?"

 _Fudge._ Rose's knees wobbled at the word. She swallowed. "I wasn't sure." She forced herself to stand up straight, lock her hands behind her back, be nonchalant. Made her way to her mother's side.

Oh _god_ , it was even worse up close. The smell hung heavy in the air, strong enough to taste. And to see it - silk-smooth liquid chocolate swirling around in the pot. Hot and dark and thick and _perfect._

Her mother's fudge. Rose's one true weakness.

Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

"Could you make sure that pan is ready for this, dear?" Oh, of course _she_ was impervious to its effects.

Rose barely spared a glance at the counter, knowing what she'd find. Heart-shaped baking pans, painstakingly lined with aluminum foil in sharp creases. Mother was in top form this year.

"It's ready, Mother."

"Good, because the fudge is almost done." The _thrice-cursed chocolate-making bitch of a_ woman deftly scraped the sides of the pan, so the fudge formed a single warm blob in the center. "I do hope you'll enjoy this as much as always. I notice you haven't been eating much lately."

Of course. Here it was. "I am hardly anorexic, Mother, and-"

"Stand back, please." With a single smooth motion the pot was off the stove and the most luxurious liquid brown was poured into the pan. The smell hit Rose full in the face again, and she barely suppressed a whimper.

"Would you like to lick the spoon?"

There was nothing Rose could possibly want more in all of paradox space. She cleared her throat. "No, I-"

The spoon, still covered in warm chocolate, was shoved in her mouth. "Mmmph."

A perfect motherly kiss was dropped on top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Rose darling." And with that her mother was gone, heels clicking down the hall. She'd won this round.

Somehow, sucking molten chocolate off a spoon, Rose didn't mind one bit.


	3. Cutouts

There was a commotion in the kitchen of the lab. Raised voices, clanging metal, smoke detectors and oven timers.

And it was only five in the "morning."

Aradia was the first to enter. She stopped just inside the door. And stared.

Jade, Terezi and Nepeta came next, obviously roused from a friendly sleepover roleplay session.

Terezi sniffed. "Oooh, wh4t's th4t? 1t sm3lls f4nt4st1c!"

"It's... he's..."

The rest of the trolls and kids trickled in slowly, still half-asleep.

"Wh8t the hell is going oooooooon down here! D8n't you know I need my beeeeeeeeauty sleeeeeeeep?" Vriska yawned. Jade held out a hand to stop her from going in.

The kitchen was full of Daves. At least six or seven, although it was hard to keep track since they kept moving. One was rolling out dough, another shuffling trays in the oven, another mixing like he had a grudge against whatever was in the bowl.

And on the counter nearest the door, spread out on cooling racks, were cookies. Dozens of them. Shaped and decorated like kids and trolls and consorts and imps. With colored icing. And gumdrops.

One of the Daves noticed the audience. "Oh. Hey- FUCK." He dropped the hot tray on the counter and stuck his hand in his mouth.

"Dave, what are you doing?"

"The hell does it look like, I'm making cookies." That was another Dave, who was carefully piping orange icing onto the horns of a troll.

A third called over, "My bro's famous recipe, you'll love them." He finished rolling and pulled out his sword, deftly slicing out custom shapes in the dough.

"Dave, isn't all this a waste 0f d00med parad0x selves?"

"Not really - everyone but the alpha Dave -"

"That's me."

"- is scheduled to go fuck with Noir in about -"

"Right n0w." Another Aradia shoved her way past the crowd. "C0me 0n, Knights, we d0n't want t0 keep him waiting."

The Dave with the icing bag sighed. "Thanks for the help, guys - give him hell for me."

Another Dave grinned. "You will." One by one, the paradox Daves summoned their timetables and disappeared, paradox Aradia close behind.

The kitchen was silent for a moment. One of the ovens dinged, and Dave set down the icing bag to pull out the tray.

"Dave, why..."

"Tradition." He chose a bag of black icing, and carefully piped pointy shades onto the face of one cookie. "I figured if John and Rose were going to make Christmas stuff I might as well share some of my own." Another, smaller cookie was given a ballcap and a gold chain.

"Yeah, we get that, but - why cutout sugar cookies?"

Dave grinned, popping an imp in his mouth. "You really don't get this 'irony' thing, do you?"


	4. Griddle Cookies

There were soft sobbing sounds and a smell of something burned coming from the kitchen. Dad paused outside the door, gently opening it just half an inch.

Jade was at the counter, covered in flour from head to toe, sticky dough up to her elbows, crying into a dishtowel. In front of her was a pile of dough and a rolling pin. To her right was a cast iron frying pan, still smoking, and to her left was a plate of blackened cookies. Poor little thing.

He pushed the door open the rest of the way. "Aww, what happened, sweetheart?"

She started at the sound of his voice. She stammered, "I-I-I was trying to make cookies like me and Grandpa used to b-b-but I didn't know how to fry them 'cause that's what he always did and I mixed them wrong and they got all hard and I tried to fry them but they got burned and I ruined everythi-hi-hi-hiiing!" She buried her face in the towel again with a wail.

Dad crossed the kitchen to her, kneeling down to give her a hug, ignoring the flour that got all over his clothes. "Shh, it's okay, honey please don't cry, it's alright."

"No it's not!" She sobbed into his shoulder. "I can't do anything ri-hi-hiiight!"

He patted her hair, frowning when he felt something stuck in it. He pulled out a dried currant. A lightbulb went off.

He pulled back and patted her face with the towel. "Hey, you were trying to make griddle cookies, right? The ones with currants and nutmeg, that are like little pancakes?"

She hiccuped. "Y-yeah. Grandpa called them Welsh cookies. How did you know?"

"My mom - John's nanna - used to make them all the time. I think I can remember how." He stood and took her hand. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up, and we can try again."

"You sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. I love those cookies, and the ingredients are cheap to alchemize. Why not?"

"O-okay."

\---

Ten minutes later, he asked, "Now what's the first rule of griddle cookies?"

Jade pushed her damp hair behind her ears. "Um - watch the flour?"

"Ding ding ding!" She giggled. "Too much flour and they'll be hard. Too little and they won't be cakey enough." He finished measuring out the flour into a separate bowl. "Alternate adding flour and milk, and make sure they're completely combined. Okay?"

"Okay." She took a fortifying breath. _I can do this._ A quarter-cup of milk, mix, a handful of flour, mix, milk, flour, milk, flour, until the dough was too heavy and thick to stir with the spoon.

"This is where I messed up last time."

"Relax. A little bit of flour on your hands, and mix it like that. I'll add the milk." Together they worked, measuring and kneading, until the dough was a smooth ball in the bottom of the bowl.

"Perfect. You got the currants?"

"Yep." She poured some in without measuring, considered it, then nearly doubled the amount. Dad laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just - Nanna used to add a lot too."

"Grandpa never put in enough. I had to sneak in an extra handful when he wasn't looking." She gently folded the dried berries into the dough. "Ready to roll?"

"Just about." He lightly dusted the counter with flour, then brushed a handful over the rolling pin as well. Carefully, Jade lifted the heavy dough-ball out of the bowl and plopped it down.

"I'll heat up the pan while you roll and cut, okay?"

She nodded, already concentrating. The dough was dense, and she needed all her strength to get it flattened out. She bore down on the rolling pin, then paused and flipped the dough over, gradually getting it thinner and thinner. When she was done it was about four feet long, a foot wide and a quarter of an inch thick.

"Nice work." He handed her a cup with flour around the rim. "Let's cut."

Together they cut out neat circles, picking off the scraps of dough and tossing them back into the bowl to be re-rolled. They ended up with a pile of little floury rounds, ready for the frying pan.

Jade gulped. "I'm not sure how to do this part."

"It's easy. Here, let's just do a couple so you can see." Carefully, Dad laid two cookies in the pan, then pressed the spatula into her hands. "Watch close - when they start to look soft around the edges, flip them over."

She stared intently at the cookies until her glasses steamed up. She pulled them off, swiping them quickly over her skirt, and shoved them back onto her face in time to see - there!

Spatula underneath, flip _gently,_ and - "Perfect!" It was, too - mottled golden-brown with dark currants in the middle and a little white just showing around the edge. Truly a beautiful cookie.

"Don't forget the other one." He hid a smile behind his hand as she gasped and flipped the second cookie just in time.

\---

Jade set the plate of warm cookies on the table almost reverently, then flopped onto the couch. "That was exhausting!"

"Worth it, though." Dad sat beside her, handing her a glass of eggnog.

"It was, wasn't it?" She held up her glass. "To shared family recipes!"

He tapped his glass against hers. "To shared families." She smiled.

"Now, shall we try these out?" They each took a cookie, and bit down.

Crispy outside, soft inside, a bite of spice and a burst of sweet fruit. "Mmm, perfect." She leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, Jade." She was almost asleep, but he did catch her reply -

"Merry Christmas, Dad."

He froze, then smiled. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pressed a kiss on top of her head, and helped himself to another cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are a real thing, no you cannot have the recipe. Google "Welsh cakes" for something similar.

**Author's Note:**

> These cookies are a real thing and they are delicious. I'm munching on one right now.


End file.
